Moving Towards Being More KIND in our MIND: 3 Practices to Start!

I’m sure I’m not the only one that needs to hear this (and could really use the reminder #forever&always ♾) but boy oh boy can it feel like an uphill battle to be kind in our highly stimulated minds! The not-so-kind-in-our mind thoughts can feel like second nature, like a smooth and deeply grooved neural pattern to berate and beat ourselves up with. Whether it’s something we said last week, something we did yesterday, something we ate today, or something we’re actively thinking about (“WHY AM I THINKING THIS WAY?” 🧠inception🧠) it still leaves us feeling worse for wear in our mind and body and keeps the un-kind groove… groovin’. 

Our quirky and unique brains can easily get on the un-kind merry-go-round, but have a hard time getting off once the cycles and circles are in motion. The thoughts are painfully stimulating! Emotionally charged! And it can feel like they’re firing on all cylinders up there. 

So how can we *shhhhhh* quiet down the un-kind chatter in our brains? Keep reading to learn more about moving from this cluttered and sticky headspace to one that reminds you: 

Omg! Of course! And, it’s okay that we’re on this ride again!

Omg! Hip hip hooray! This merry-go-round isn’t going to last forever! 

Omg! Ouchie! So many human sensations! It hurts to go through this!

Let’s dig-in to deeper understanding, detachment, and compassion. Let’s strengthen a new pathway by pausing and practicing being kind in our mind by following the reminders above.

AND THAT’S OKAY, TOO 

We all have a brain (a blue sky) and we all have thoughts (passing clouds). Each 24 hours, phase of the day, and season have an effect on the amount of clouds passing, the types of clouds passing, and even the speed at which they’re moving across the sky. All this to say, there’s a lot of factors that go into the quality of our thoughts and how we react to them on any given day. 

During the periods where our mind is not treating us so kindly, the rolling clouds that pass through our noggins can feel so charged, so electric, and can feel like they’re hitting the same sore spots— our emotional wounds, our deeply ingrained stories, and our beliefs about ourselves. They say lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice but my un-kind thoughts know where to aim and OUCH do they sting sometimes!

I like to call these charged thoughts my ⚡️“brain bolts”⚡️. They feed off my reaction to them, they grow stronger and louder off my resistance to their presence.  So what do we do in the midst of a lightning storm? Ironically, the most radical response to this electric un-kind-ness is to first acknowledge their existence, AND let them know it’s okay they’re around. 

I said I wasn’t going to do that thing…  and that’s okay 

Now they might see me like this... and that’s okay 

I ate past my hunger cues and feel stuffed… and that’s okay 

I keep getting stuck here… and that’s okay, too.

Although uncomfortable to be in the thick of it, I sit (or walk) in this mantra-like dialogue until something shifts in me, something softens, and there’s more space and acceptance that I’m going through the brutal brain bolts. I like to call this period the “sitting in the SUCK”. The thoughts sound so true, they feel so true in the body, and it's okay for the thoughts and feelings to exist right now. But we need to let them move through us, knowing full well from experience that the storm will pass…

AND IT WON’T LAST FOREVER 

Take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself "has there ever been an everlasting storm or brain spiral that never, ever ended?" I am guessing your answer is "no", because thoughts and emotions are not permanent (kind of like clouds and lightning). One of the ickiest stickiest parts of being in an un-kind, self-critical, shame/blame headspace is the heaviness of “how long is this going to last??? Am I doomed to be in this gunk for eternity??”. 

In the present un-comfiness of un-kindness, it sure does feel like there’s no end in sight, but like all natural things (storms come, storms go, tides come in, tides go out, clouds appear, clouds go by), there is movement, motion, and passing. Always dynamic, always electric, and always transient. 

If we can truly tap into this law of nature at our most charged and reactive moments, we can begin to detach and distance ourselves from the thoughts feeling oh-so-true. We move from “forever” to “for now”. We see that we are currently in the eye of the storm.

AND, OUCH, IT’S HARD TO BE HUMAN SOMETIMES 

This is the tender– meeting ourselves exactly where we’re at– moment. We’re not trying to fix or out-think our thoughts. We are sitting in the ick and the suck, being with the gunk, and saying “Wow, these thoughts feel painful in my body. These sensations hurt”. 

We’re feeling it (like it is), saying it (like it is), and coming in with compassion for the not-so-pleasant feelings that these brain bolts have in our body. 

Finding the tender words to  move from “ouch this hurts” to “aww I’m sorry”, is our own little special key to the gates of compassion. Some compassionate statements  I play with depending on the storm include:

“These thoughts feel really brutal right now.” 

“Ow, it hurts to feel this way. And it feels so true.” 

“This is rough to hear. May I be kind in my mind.”

MOVING TOWARDS BEING KIND IN OUR MIND

As mentioned in our basic needs blog post, our brains are moving with the laws of nature. If it’s in motion in one direction, it’s easier to continue full steam ahead in that direction than to emergency break, pause, and reverse. 

From my experience, the process of acceptance (“and that’s okay”), detachment (“I see that it will pass”), and compassion (“I feel the sting and it ain't easy to feel”), have been softer ways to slow down the momentum and move from “you’re the worst” to “this sucks but you’re doing your best in this moment”.

When we continue to practice (practice makes perfect C+ progress!), our ability to see, feel, and move through the waves of the storm comes more naturally over time.

FINAL THOUGHTS (😆)

Shame is a heavy burden and an un-kind mind is a hard place to be. It’s easy to feel stuck in the muck and is truly an act of bravery to face the eye of the storm and make space for the un-comfy feeling(s). 

If we can continue to meet ourselves with “and that’s okay-ness”, “this will pass-ness”, and “feel to heal-ness”, we are touching our own wholeness so we can more fully and courageously move through the human experience. 

Want continued practice and tools for digging deeper into this process? 

Our Eating with ADHD® *Neurished* Membership includes access to a Resource Vault and Learning Library, which includes Aleta’s workshop and workbook titled "Thinking about Thoughts." This resource provides a neurodivergent-friendly approach that will help YOU cultivate a greater sense of kindness within your mind.

You get instant access to this amazing workshop (and so many more) when you join Neurished! In this membership, you’ll be met with an empathetic, supportive, and anti-diet community of ADHDers and your favorite ADHD-Dietitians (Aleta and Sara), who are all there to learn, grow, and celebrate wins with all things ADHD, food and eating!

It is only $57/mo to join right now, and if you lock in your membership  before the end of summer (when we are increasing the price), you will NEVER pay more than $57/mo. Come join the Eating with ADHD® Neurished family today!

Learn more about Neurished HERE!